Oh Gosh, I really am so sorry for not being bothered as to come onto deviantART much lately, I've just not really been interested in using dA like I used to on my old account.

However, apart from that I have also been absent because of some other things, such as drama amongst my family, hard time trying to make money, you know, all those silly little things.

However I would like to use this space to clear up something that has been lingering on my mind for quite some time; I am aware that most people I used to know a few years ago, in places such as SecondLife & Rappelz, thought that I was male in reality as I used to always pick male avatars and characters, however, people who have continued to stay with me since then, who have known a little more about me already know this.

The thing is, I am One-Hundred Percent Female when it comes to reality; It's just that I really oh so wish that I could be a boy, as so far I haven't really had much fun with my life... Sure I have a girlfriend who I have been with for about twelve years now, but life, in general just seems horribly wrong, it'd take me a long time to explain, but one day I will.

I am in-fact a Lesbian, you should no doubt of guessed that when I said I had a girlfriend, and she loves me just how I am, but even still... I really, really wish that I could be in the other seat where I am a hundred percent male, that would make things a whole load easier in my life, in more ways than one.

However, that would require me to either have a miracle and wake up as a male, or go through a few years of hormone treatment and then surgery, and to be honest, transsexualism doesn't really appeal to me, as it hasn't really changed anything, just your appearance... So that's a definite no.

Why do I want to be a boy instead of a girl? -- Well, pretty simple reason, really...

I just can't stand it, I'm not sure if it's just because of my gender that's caused a lot of bad things in my life to happen to me, or if it's just bad luck, either way I so wish that I was born the other gender.

All my life I have NEVER been interested or attracted to men, at the age of 11 I started to realise that I had been born the wrong gender, as everything just didn't seem right, and to add to that wish, I wish what happened when I was thirteen didn't happen either, and that WAS because I was a girl.

I had stayed behind to wait for a friend to come out of detention, and decided to go to my locker as it was the end of the day although everyone had already left, though, when I was walking down one of the empty corridors this boy, not that much older than me, about a year or two, grabbed my wrist and covered my mouth as to take me with him to the boys restroom... I was crying and making a noise shouting out for help, but as nobody was around to come to help it left me helpless where the boy was able to do anything he wanted to me, I wasn't sure if he wanted to rape me, murder me, steal from me, although it felt more like rape than anything else as he had me forced into one of the cubicles with the door shut and he was trying to get into my pants, with his unzipped and... You know... But thank god I must of had an angel that day watching over me as my friend had got out of detention early and came looking for me and she heard the screaming so she came to see what was going on and the boy chickened out and ran the hell out of there, he didn't get to touch me, not in that way anyway...

But that wouldn't of happened if I wasn't a girl, but a guy instead, right? -- How many cases of rape do you find where a Woman Rapes a Guy? Not much... A few, but very minimal.

Nevertheless, I bet nobody really wants to read more as this probably just seems like I'm making a big drama out of nothing, but still, I just needed to get this out of my system and explain some things... Plus deviantART doesn't really seem like the right place to be explaining this, so it's best for me to end this right here...

Anywho, maybe soon I will be uploading some things to dA, but I'm not promising anything, because I'm not that much of a dA fan anymore.

Many Hugs!

~ Jamie.